Where are People Buying Underwear These Days?

This is a cry for help.

I have a confession to make: the state of my underwear drawer is extremely dire. The last time I made a significant purchase of underwear was in 2018, with a $50 Walmart gift card I received as a “Christmas bonus” from the media company I worked for at the time.

I blew it all on a couple packs of Fruit of the Loom low rise briefs, which have been my faithful companions ever since. Besides a few random pairs I received for free in media blitzes over the years (shout out to Boody, ModiBodi and Rosaseven) and my pandemic-era love affair with Arq Underwear (RIP), these Loomies have been doing some heavy lifting for six years and without going into further detail, let’s just say they are…not looking good.

Underwear just isn’t a thing I ever think about buying — poofy Cecilie Bahnsen dresses? Yes. Plain hipster briefs? No. As a result, everything I own is beginning to resemble the pair of ratty underwear worn by Larry David’s chiropractor that horrifies him beyond belief. (Skip to 1:46 if you’ve never seen this before.)

I recently overhauled my sock drawer, and the incredible satisfaction I experienced has inspired me to turn my attention towards the other forgotten basic. The only problem: every single pair of underwear I come across is either flimsy and cheap, or costs $50 a pair. There is no in-between. Am I going insane?

Admittedly, my criteria is deeply specific. I need the underwear to be:

1) cotton

2) black

3) full-coverage briefs

4) preferably made in Canada or from a Canadian brand.

The search is proving…difficult. I bought some 97% cotton Denver Hayes briefs at Mark’s Work Warehouse which have been doing the trick, but they feel very insubstantial and sweatshop-py. I don’t want to re-buy Fruit of the Looms again because, frankly, they just don’t make me feel cute.

Here’s where things get even more tricky. I do not fit into 80% of normal underwear. When you’re blessed with a generous ass, your butt crack becomes hungry—greedy, even!—and wants to eat up every pair of underwear it touches. Even the merest physical sensation of a wedgie is enough to warrant immediate ejection from my underwear drawer.

I’ve come across a number of ‘sustainable’ underwear brands that seem to fit the criteria I’m after, but will they contain a big ol’ butt? I have embarked on a treacherous search, traversing all corners of the internet, and am here to report back.

Archer + Wren

These appear to be virtually identical to the high-waisted “granny panties of yore” Arq Underwear. Ultimately cute, but a little bit high rise for every day wear.

Price: $45 CAD

Shop Cherri

Shop Cherri underwear are designed for “wider gussets” but on initial glance, they’re clearly not designed for wider butts. I don’t think I’d be able to make it three steps without the floss effect setting in. Pass.

Price: $42 USD

Pansy Co

The Pansy low rise briefs look like they have potential but they’re $38 USD each, so…no.

Price: $38 USD

Huha

These ones look super comfy, albeit a bit high-waisted. However they’re made out of tencel, not cotton. They do get bonus points for using beloved Freak Friend Lydia Okello as a model though. :)

Price: $28 USD

Pact

Immediate no. The way the fabric stretches over the butt looks like it’s ready to go spelunking any minute.

Price: $20 CAD

Tentree

Same with Tentree. I see the direction the fabric is headed in and I don’t like it.

Price: $25 CAD

Clothes & Roads

God, these are the worst ones yet. Next.

Price: $34 CAD

Oddobody

Oddobody’s regular briefs would absolutely not work for me but these panelled briefs are cute and look like they might have potential.

Price: $36 USD

Q is for Quinn

These ones come the closest to ticking off all my boxes: 100% cotton, not too high, Canadian, black. Plus, they have a “First Pair Guarantee” where they’ll give you store credit if they don’t fit.

Price: $25 CAD

The First Pair Guarantee did convince me to order a pair of Q for Quinns, but by the time I clicked ‘add to cart’, the single pair was just shy of of $50. I can confirm they fit well and the fabric feels soft and substantial, however on first wear, a bunch of the stitching ripped on the waistband. In order to properly replenish my underwear drawer, I need to buy around 12 pairs. Am I really going to spend that much on a brand that rips that easily?

In all seriousness, I would love to hear where people are buying their underwear these days. Do you have a pair you love? Does good underwear even exist anymore?

It all points to the fact that there’s a “missing middle” in fashion. Everything either costs nothing or it costs way too much. (And by “way too much,” I mean the price might technically be fair but is still far beyond what the average person can afford.) A quick search for “fashion’s missing middle” reveals this random Youtube series—where the hosts consider Nordstrom to be missing middle?!?!— and a Lauren Sherman interview with the Twitter Menswear guy about the concept - which I can’t read because it’s paywalled. I’m glad that someone is starting to have these conversations, even though I find that guy unbearable.

Signing off,

Isabel